#267

I remembered this blog when I wrote my friends English paper for him. It's a fake blog that I used this account to make but its fairly funny. Nobody reading it that isn't reading it with this election in mind won't find it very funny, but it shows a sad truth about our world. It also shows a sad truth about my own life. I have ZERO academic integrity at this point in time. To any future college admissions officer- you can ignore all of this. But it is completely true and I hate myself for it. I don't ever get motivated to study because I know I can just cheat on whatever it is that I should study for. When I don't have to work for anything I stop doing any work which shows why my grades are so bad. When my grades fall in one class, they then immediately fall in all my other classes. I ignore my problems until they are so big that I can't ignore them anymore and the weight of everything - the hopes, the expectations, the pressure - all comes crashing down on my shoulders. That sucks. I wish I could cry, but crying is something I haven't been able to do physically in years, which really sucks, because crying is a great stress reliever.
I'm putting a paragraph break in here but its really just so that this post isn't the classic 1 paragraph blog. But back to my lack of academic integrity I go. I have written a minimum 9 assignments for other people in my class this year. I have made maybe 200 dollars from it all? I don't even know. I cant manage money well and the future gives me reason to despair.
Is it weird that I want to die - yet I don't have any suicidal tendencies? I the idea of harming myself or anyone harming themselves is my biggest nightmare - but life sucks most of the time. Hopefully my English teacher isn't reading this blog even though I think someone did read this blog once. If she is, then I guess that it's time for me to stop cheating, just write "_Locke_ I know" on the board and I'll be done, but even if you find out who I am I won't tell you what I wrote or who I wrote it for. It's probably not her but just in case it is I'll keep my bases covered, ya know?