#563

I guess I'm going to start trying to write more often, maybe once a week, maybe more, maybe less, its whatever. Isn't it weird that depending on your mood the songs you listen to can affect your moods? I realized that while I'm feeling the way I am now (introspective, sad,confused, anxious, pressured, lonely, alone (those words do have different meanings (I think I wrote a paper on it once (I'm probably breaking a rule of grammar with this parenthesis thing, but it is fun)))) even the most upbeat music seems to be bringing be down. I need a pick-me-up, but nothing seems to be doing it. This was supposed to be about music and emotion but I forgot what I was saying since the week ago when I started this. But, I'll publish it anyway

#76272837

This one is numbered very specifically. Which is why it is so much longer than the numbers before it. If you figure it out congratulations (but you're not special, it is not very hard, especially after reading this post). I want to hypothesize something - and it could be that I am completely wrong, but I doubt it.
Everyone will go through hardships in life. That is a fact. Nobody will go through the exact same struggles as anyone else, but everyone will have some struggle that is the hardest thing they will go through,because no struggle can be equally as hard as another. If two people from completely different backgrounds with completely different perspectives each go through their own struggles independently then it is safe to say that both of those people will go through completely different trials and each person will have their own "biggest" struggle. The question is, if both of these people are completely different, then how do we know who has a stronger character?
Both people that have gone through the most difficult trial that they will ever go through, and made it through, are equally strong. It isn't fair to discount the trials of one, which may seem trivial in comparison to others, because those problems are just as hard for the person whose problems you are trivializing, as the problems that you are using as comparison are to those who are going through them. We can all think of the "first world problems" that some people have, and laugh them off, but to the individual experiencing them, it can be difficult. It is our experiences that give us our strength then,once two people have experienced the hardest hing that they will go through, they are (relatively) as strong as everyone else who has gone through their own hardest trials. It is not fair to call someone weak solely because they did not have the opportunity to struggle the same as others. The privileged and the poor struggle differently but (relatively) identically.
The title is a joke. I don't have the audacity to claim that this simple idea makes me Socrates, but it was fun.

#267

I remembered this blog when I wrote my friends English paper for him. It's a fake blog that I used this account to make but its fairly funny. Nobody reading it that isn't reading it with this election in mind won't find it very funny, but it shows a sad truth about our world. It also shows a sad truth about my own life. I have ZERO academic integrity at this point in time. To any future college admissions officer- you can ignore all of this. But it is completely true and I hate myself for it. I don't ever get motivated to study because I know I can just cheat on whatever it is that I should study for. When I don't have to work for anything I stop doing any work which shows why my grades are so bad. When my grades fall in one class, they then immediately fall in all my other classes. I ignore my problems until they are so big that I can't ignore them anymore and the weight of everything - the hopes, the expectations, the pressure - all comes crashing down on my shoulders. That sucks. I wish I could cry, but crying is something I haven't been able to do physically in years, which really sucks, because crying is a great stress reliever.
I'm putting a paragraph break in here but its really just so that this post isn't the classic 1 paragraph blog. But back to my lack of academic integrity I go. I have written a minimum 9 assignments for other people in my class this year. I have made maybe 200 dollars from it all? I don't even know. I cant manage money well and the future gives me reason to despair.
Is it weird that I want to die - yet I don't have any suicidal tendencies? I the idea of harming myself or anyone harming themselves is my biggest nightmare - but life sucks most of the time. Hopefully my English teacher isn't reading this blog even though I think someone did read this blog once. If she is, then I guess that it's time for me to stop cheating, just write "_Locke_ I know" on the board and I'll be done, but even if you find out who I am I won't tell you what I wrote or who I wrote it for. It's probably not her but just in case it is I'll keep my bases covered, ya know?

#25

This blog may sound childish, but I'm not one, I just suck at writing things definitively. When people don't know the age or gender of the person that they're talking to (or in this case reading), they develop a bias quickly. It's hard for me to take advice from someone younger or too much older from me. It's stereotypical but the cliche of the teenager feeling that their parents "don't understand him/her" actually applies to the whole world. In today's day and age the situations that Teenagers are put in are unlike that of any other generation. Kids born in this century have never lived in a world without the wealth of technology at their fingertips. They have never had to go to a public library for a research project and reading "The Scarlet Letter" or "A Tale of Two Cities" was made useless by The Internet. Today going to college is literally all High School Students worry about, and that is everything. They feel the weight of their future pressing on their shoulders and it's impossible not to be crushed. The expectations are insanely high.

I'm wrote that last paragraph with the Idea that this blog would be read by anyone other than me, but I know that isn't the case, so there's no point in pretending to be anything other than a 17 year old male teenager.
I don't know what I want to do with my life or even who I am, but as a junior I'm pressured to figure out my whole life this year. I find that the bulk of my decision rests in whether I follow my passion for learning as a career or my desire to give my future children the life I wanted growing up. I don't want them to have to worry about money or the ability to get to the places they need. I want to be able to give them each a car when they turn 16 or at least a third car they can share, but I don't know if I can give them that lifestyle if I follow my heart. So what'll it be?

That is if I even get into a college of any worth. The pressure of a good GPA causes me a great deal of worry and I wonder if I can ever be good enough. I'm not in the top of my class, solely for the lack of my trying. I didn't put in any effort last year which shot my grades to crap. I only have a 3.6 unweighted GPA and it won't be good enough. That's what I'm told by everyone, my teachers, my parents, even my peers. I'm told I won't be able to accomplish anything with my life. But I don't know what it is that I want to do yet. It is a very weird place to be in life, to be unsure about accomplishing a future that you don't even know exists.

#7

Now at this point, starting a blog makes no sense to do. Nobody gets their word out over "Blogger" and, in fact, when I looked it up I still thought it was "Blogspot.com." This blog isn't really for any of you, whoever you are, it's just for me to say what I need to in a place I can. In all likelihood I won't even remember I wrote this in a week and it'll just be floating out on the internet forever. So this blog is going to reveal my observations of the world to the world in a roundabout sort of way. If there is anyone who ever actually reads this, I'm naming my posts by random numbers, ergo #7. I think I used "ergo" correctly.